Wedding Songs...

Ohmygoodness I am so weird. I'm listening to wedding songs right now. It makes me want to pick out songs even though I'm not even going to get married anytime soon. Haha. It's funny, when I listen to these songs and their lyrics it gives me so much hope. Maybe the lyrics are exagerated for artistic measures but maybe (just maybe) that's what it's really like... you know, to find the love of your life and everything. I really don't know why I always think about this stuff. I'm perfectly content with the life I have right now... as far as relationships go at least. I have the most amazing friends in the whole wide world. What more could I ask for? Sigh: Maybe it's just me being moody or maybe this is just a normal part of being human? Either way, I don't like it. I don't like feeling like I need someone to complete me. I don't even think love is suppose to be about "needing" someone, I think it's about not really "needing" them but wanting them anyways. Actually, that sounds kind of bad too. I don't know. Love is something I haven't experined yet. I just wish I knew why I sometimes feel lonely even though I have everything I need in front of me.

For fun (and so I can just get this off my mind so I can go back to studying), I'm going to talk about the kind of relationship I want one day. Bwahaha. It may never happen, but a girl can dream right? Hmmm... so the kind of relationship I want. Well, it really wouldn't be all the fancy actually. I wouldn't need the flowers, the presents, the whole shabam. I'd just need moments of honest, sincere caring. I hate that feeling of not knowing whether or not the other person cares. That's how I felt most of the time with Daniel... I don't want to be with someone like that again. If someone is that important to you it shouldn't be that hard to show that you care. And actually it's not even the fact that he didn't show that he cared, it's the fact that he said that he did and did exactly everything to make it seem like he didn't. Anyways, whatever, that's the past.

Things I'd like to do someday with that special someone (Hehehe):

• Study at the library or stay up late studying till we both pass out together! I want to like accidently fall asleep on his shoulder or something... (LOL) Ohmygosh this is so nerdy... but I'd really like to meet someone who shares some of my academic interests.
• Do volunteer work together! Whether it's by studying abroad together or just helping out at a soup kitchen or something... Again, sorta nerdy, but I'd like to meet a guy I could do these things with. It shows that he cares not only about me but about others.
• Read the Bible. I feel like I've grown so far apart from God these days... I hope my future boyfriend/husband is a strong Christian so he can help me. It'd also be good because then we could base our relationship on God and I would know he would respect my decision for abstinence and everything.
• Take long walks. I want someone I can have quiet moments with... someone who knows how to appreciate just being together.
• Get couple rings. I just always thought this was really cute.
• Learn guitar from him. I would love love love a guy who could teach me some sort of instrument. It's just so I don't know attractive. Haha.
• Snow fight.
• Take long car drives.

Wow, I thought I'd have a long list... but I can't really think of that much right now. Honestly, my ideal guy is a guy who I find handsome and is honest, sincere, funny, kind of shy at times, understanding, caring, and patient. I just want someone who I can really trust and who'll accept me for me.

These Little Wonders

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours
These small hours
Still remain

Dear Duke, Northwestern, John Hopkin, Emory, UWash, Brown, and other colleges I'm about to apply to,

Please accept me! There is so much I could learn from you. If you give me the chance, I promise that you won't be disappointed. I promise that I will use the knowledge I gain from you to help others. I promise that I will do the best I can to make this world a better place. Oh dear colleges, if there's any place to start changing the world, it's with me. Give me the opportunity to reach my full potential so that I may help others reach theirs as well.

To be honest Brown, I didn't plan on applying to you. I didn't want to deal with the disappointment of reading a rejection. But today, I decided I will indeed apply to you. Today, I realized I have people who believe in me- people who somehow see potential in me to make a difference. Thanks to Cody I will be waiting for results from you. Even if you don't accept me, it's okay. I won't stop now. I'll keep pursuing my goals. I'm going to make them proud :)!

"He asked me: do you think there will come a time that you will get tired of me?
And I said no, because I don't assume that I will ever know you entirely. I will not get tired of you because I have so much to know about you, and this lifetime alone is not enough."

"'I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me.'"
-Jonathan Safran Foer

hmmmm, makes me think...

“It is the difficult and the unexpected, and maybe even the tragic, that opens us up and frees us to see things in new ways. Many of the most significant moments in our lives come not because it all went right but because it all fell apart. Suffering does that. It hurts, but it also creates.” -Rob Bell

"I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me."
-Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert